Slaying Dragons

My husband said something the other day that was pretty insightful...

"It's amazing the dragons you can slay with the right person whispering in your ear."

I've been consumed with this thought and the conclusion that I've come to is that true leaders do the whispering.

Business Advice from a Toddler - Lesson #3

Turn fear into enthusiasm.

Imagine a parent sneaking up on their child from a distance (goal: to administer a round of tickles) .  About halfway to their goal they announce their intent with a wide-eyed yowl and a rapid gate.  Many children scream, cover their body, fall back and brace themselves, or maybe run away...oh, but not my son.  In a matter of milliseconds he stands straight up, opens his arms, widens his eyes, screams at the top of his lungs (in the toddler intimidation sort of way), and runs full speed ahead TOWARD his attacker.  What does the parent do? First, protect any "goods" now vulnerable to toddler onslaught.  Second, brace themselves for the fast furry of a 35 lb toddler.  Third, scoop the child up.

What happened in the scenario above?  My son TOOK power.  Without knowing any different he saw change coming and met it head on with excitement and as a result the game was transformed.

Fear and excitement are first cousins.  Think about it, are there fearful things that you find thrilling?  Roller coasters, scary films, fast driving, attempting to find lemonheads in Kirtland at night (that one is for all my NE Ohio peeps)...all of these things invoke intense fear and/or excitement.  What is the difference between these two feelings?  With excitement we make a choice to acknowledge the fear and then embrace it.

We all have the power to choose.

The Importance of Scent

There are many studies about our sense of smell and how a scent is linked with memory.  I'm not going to be scientific.  What I want to share is that I've underestimated how important scent can be in our lives.  (This is why we are hearing more and more about "scented" grocery markets.)

Recently a perfume I've been wearing for at least 10 years was discontinued.  I'm on my last bottle and realized that this is a very emotional change for my family.  This is the scent that prompted my young niece to describe me as someone who "smells good"...the scent I left on my pillow for my husband when I left for work early....the scent that my son identifies as "mommy." 

I don't know how often people notice the scents that move in and out of their lives, but I know that I wish they were as simple to retain as pictures.  Could you imagine saying to your grandchildren, "This is the way my grandmother smelled."  (and I'm not thinking mothballs and denture cream)

How Smart Are You Today?

Every day you make decisions.  These decisions impact your life into the future.  They are made based on how smart you are TODAY.  You may look back and feel foolish about a choice you've made, but you will be looking back with more intelligence.

When making a decision accept that you are as smart as you will be at that moment.  Understand that you will be smarter later and you may change your mind or change course (and that's okay) but DO NOT remain stagnant because you feel you need to be smarter.  Guess what....you'll never be as smart as you want to be.

Trash vs. Treasure

We're all familiar with the saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure."  It is easy for any of us to apply this to objects, but apply it to people and things get a little uncomfortable. Okay, so the words are harsh but the idea is correct.

A person may seem difficult to you, but to another they are a genius. You may work for someone that does not understand your value, but change jobs and suddenly you bring nothing but value.

These examples are situational.  Often your success is directly correlated with the people that surround you.  Finding something you love to do is not enough.  Doing the thing you love with people that compliment your talents and see your value is the holy grail.

Be responsible for your destiny (in other words, pointing fingers doesn't get you anywhere) but if things just aren't feeling "right" there could be more to the situation than what you bring to the table.

Control vs. Influence

I encountered an online article (from some years back) written by Debbie Jenkins (nope - I don't actually know who that is) that contained the following.  It hit home and I wanted to share.

That which is beyond your immediate and complete manipulation is not, whether we like it or not, within our control. So what is within our control?

• Our Emotions and Motivation (although not all of us accept this)
• Our Response To Outside Influences (although not all of us accept this either)
• The Direction We Take In Life
• Every Action We Take
• The Way We Communicate
• What We Say and Do and Promise
• What We Choose To Believe or Ignore
• Inanimate Objects & Tools We Use

Everything else that is outside of us (especially other animals/humans) we can only influence. Here are some examples of things you can only influence...

• Whether Someone Likes You
• Whether People Will Buy
• What Other People Find Important
• Whether People Believe You
• Convincing Someone of Something
• Getting Someone to Do Something (even if you're a hypnotist)

Sure, you can exert enough influence that it seems like control. If someone held a gun to your head, they could probably influence you to do a lot of things. But despite that, they couldn't get you to think different things or feel differently about something because they still only have influence.

Finally, there are some things we have no direct control or influence over... such as the weather, space, time, where we start out in life, but there's no benefit dwelling on the things we cannot do - because it's more empowering to focus on what we can do.

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The article was about the concept of under-promise and over-deliver, something that I referred to in my last post.  Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/59584

The Right Way to Set Expectations

You have likely been on both the asking and answering end of this question:

"How long will it take?"

If you are the one answering this question, more often than not the answer is more complicated than "2 days."  In those cases be very aware of how you frame your answer.  Most people will listen to what you tell them and only
pull out the portions that they need.  For instance, you may be thinking to answer in one of the following ways:

1) "If everything is set up it could take as little as one week."
2) "One month, but if everything is set up it may require less time."

Yes, there are variations of these statements, but the point is this....the people listening for the answer to "How long will it take?" are going to hear:

1) "blah blah blah blah one week."
2) "One month, blah blah blah blah."

If those are the ONLY data points they walk away with, what do you want them to think?  That they can do it in a week or a month?  If you subscribe to the idea of under-promise and over-deliver, I think you know the answer.  Though when the timelines are too far apart you risk not being asked to do the work at all, so be realistic.

Stupidity

Everyone is stupid sometimes.  (I'll hold to the belief that no one is stupid all the time.)

Haven't you ever done something and once you were finished asked yourself, "What the hell was I thinking???"   Everyone deserves an occasional break, so give them one.  Learn from their stupidity (and help them to learn if you can) and hope that you're not next.

The Salon Experience

I got my hair done at a new salon recently and started to pay a lot of attention to the customer experience.  A good salon (of which this is one) is 100% focused on making the customer feel good.  Everyone is conditioned to tell you how fabulous or refreshed you look....regardless of their own, individual opinion.  When a gorgeous person tells you that you're gorgeous, well, it can't be bad, right?

This methodology works for that specific industry, but I see others applying it.  Sure you want your customer to feel great, but their experience lasts long after they've left your vision.  Pushing to get a sale for an item the customer may not like later will impact long term success.

Luckily, I still like my hairstyle.

Leveraging Bestsellers?

So I'm reading an inspiring management book and thinking of all the ways I can apply my new found knowledge when it dawns on me...this is a bestseller.  What does that mean?  Millions of people, just like me bought this book in order to leverage its knowledge (we'll just assume they didn't buy it just to put it on a shelf and say they read it).

Wait a minute.  Millions of people are applying this information?  Or, at least, attempting to?  How can someone stand out if the foundation they are building upon has the same stones as many other individuals?

So I don't have an answer to this one.  You could speculate that its a formula...one part written knowledge....two parts understanding....and a whole lot of drive and raw abilities.  I'll just continue reading.

Business Advice from a Toddler - Lesson #2

Tailor your message to your audience.

Make sure that what you want is clear and use a language that they understand.  Never make assumptions that the lens your audience uses filters information in the same manner as your lens....and demonstrate if necessary.

How did a toddler teach us this?  Upon telling my son to "hug the Pillsbury doughboy" he took this action:

What did we do wrong?  We assumed he understood what we meant by the word "hug" and we did not demonstrate the action.

Lesson learned.  Merb.

Openminded vs. Indecisive

It may appear as though these two things are very different, but in actuality one can be mistaken for the other.  Hearing people out and having perspective always go far, but many people often get caught up in the options.  They can see how any of the perspectives is correct in their own way and thus find it difficult to have an opinion.  Taking sides is not necessary, but having a perspective that is your own is important.

The Truth About Lies

A lie, regardless of size, has the ability to make the truth look like lies as well.  It's like putting a red sock in a white load of laundry.  It may only be one red sock, but that one mistake could turn everything pink.

So the next time you consider lying, whether it be personally or professionally, is it worth possibly having to throw away all your whites and start over?

Taking Pride in Your Work

Do people do this anymore or are they just working to work?

God Helps Those Who Help Themselves

This is not a religious post.


This simple statement is something my mother said to me frequently when I was growing up.  She wasn't implying I should take a "five finger discount" but more that if you want something you need to take the initiative to get it.  No one is going to do it for you.  It never occurred to me how much this one statement is buried within my core and has influenced my life.


It's as true now as it was then.  Remember it.

Open Up to Open Doors

If you're like me the idea of putting your ideas on the internet where they may live forever is quite frightening.  Guess what.....it's the new reality.  The next generation (and then some) are sharing their entire lives with the masses.  They are friending people they've never met, reading books without turning a page, and making purchases without ever even looking at a dollar bill.

If you want to keep up and remain viable peel back the layers of the onion and make yourself known.

Be Aware of Those Who Take

Often I forget that there are people in this world that truly cannot see what it means to be anyone but themselves.  They forget that each individual has their own priorities and motivations, their own schedules and obligations, their own challenges and joys.

As you go through life and interact with these people please remember the following:

1) Don't keep score.  This isn't a game and there are no prizes at the finish line.
2) Give in a manner that makes you feel good.  Eliminate any thoughts of "they didn't do this so I won't do that."
3) Be honest - sometimes saying something is not a catalyst for change, but it can clear the air.
4) When all else fails, focus on what is important to you and remind yourself of your blessings.

Business Advice From a Toddler - Lesson #1

Everything is up for negotiation.

If you want something and get it, ask for more.  If you want something and you are told no, ask for something different.  You can't get anything you don't ask for and there is always more to be had.  Only refrain from asking if you risk losing something you want more than the thing that you are asking for.

How Do You Know You're Serving Your Customer?

One of two very simple ways:

1) Your message/vision resonates with them (it comes from your mind and out of their mouths)
2) Their message/vision resonates with you (it comes from their minds and out of your mouth)

I want to tattoo this on some people.  If you and your customer have different visions you are NOT serving them.

Hit Me with Your Best Merb

Here's an interesting problem.

You're driving on a curvy, hilly road in which the speed limit is 55mph.  Getting caught speeding much over 60mph is not only probable, but bad for you (since you've been caught doing so before).

You're behind another driver who is going 60mph in the passing zones and 50mph in the non-passing zones.  (I'm convinced this was some sort of game)

Do you pass?

How to Handle the Fly on the Wall

Listening with your full attention is a very important thing to do in order to build relationships and remain credible.  That said, we can't always execute in that way.  Our mind gets in the way.  Other thoughts creep in...

"What is the person in front of me about to say?"
"Did I lock my car door?"
"Is my boss going to rip me a new one when we meet this afternoon?"
"I've got to finish this presentation."

These are our flies.  Killing them is very challenging (and potentially time consuming...have you ever chased a fly?).  But when they exist on the walls of our mind you must let them out before you can focus.

How do we let the flies out?  Address them when you can.  Either interrupt the person talking to you (assuming it's a casual conversation or relationship) and state, "I'm sorry, I'm a little distracted because I've got a big meeting I need to prepare for." Then suggest that you either talk later because you want to give them your full attention or decide to make it short.  If this is not an option you must practice "fly ignoring" - just plain resolve to listen (this IS in your control) and either decide on a time to address the fly or decide that you must cohabitate.

Now, you don't want colonies of flies.  If they begin to take over start scheduling time with yourself to address these things.  It does not matter how busy you are.  Your sanity and your relationships depend on it.

What is Luck?

Luck is where preparation meets opportunity.

There are a number of people who have used a variation of this phrase...so I'll just say that it isn't mine, but I believe it wholeheartedly.

Years ago, I was talking with an executive from a multi-billion dollar company and I asked him how he got where he is today.  "I'm just lucky." he said.  I was never quite comfortable with that statement.  Obviously, he wasn't sitting on the couch, watching TV, eating Cheetos when the phone rang and the caller said, "Hey you lucky guy.  Wanna be an executive?"  He had to work...and work...and work.  And finally, when the opportunity arose his work paid off.

Keep this in mind.  You may not control the opportunities, but you have full control over your preparation. Thus you have more control over how lucky you are then you may realize.

The Lifecycle of a Consumer

I received a catalog the other day (yes, I still get catalogs...love them) that I hadn't seen in 10-15 years.  It was a catalog that, long ago, I would fawn over.  Every page contained products that I wanted to own.  Not just wanted....LONGED for.

How did I feel when I looked over the catalog today?  Old.  None of the products really appealed to me, though I found them interesting.  It made me think....what is the lifecycle of a single consumer?  How long can you typically hold their loyalty, preference, etc.? 

My Beliefs

I don't believe in never or impossible.  Only time, effort, and innovation.

Embracing the "When"

Relationship Building Rule #1

There is no such thing as "can't"
There is only "when"

Constantly telling a customer, partner, or anyone for that matter "no" will only provide you with negative equity.  If you provide alternatives to what is being asked you are more likely to build respect - which is the foundation for a healthy relationship.  This is applicable whether you are working with a customer that wants a specific deliverable or your own child asking to go to watch TV.

Negotiating conditions and then meeting those expectations is a wonderful thing.

The Interesting Thing About Mobile

This is likely old news, but I was thinking.  In a conference I attended last week someone stated that the younger generation actually feels it is "rude" to call someone.  Instead they use mobile devices to text, chat, etc. as a standard mode of communication.  It was also mentioned that the average teenager sends approximately 3000 texts a month.  It occurred to me that communication is up while "face time" is down.  I already knew of the latter, but it never actually dawned on me that we might actually be communicating more.  And I mean actually communicating.  Not spamming or the like. 

Success is a Happy Customer

Sometimes we lose sight of this.

I was once part of a project in which we charged ahead to deliver what we felt was valuable and in respect of the customer's time, we only involved them "as needed".  The project was a failure.  Every little thing that was wrong came out, complaints were abundant.  So we tried again.  This time, the customer was a partner in our delivery.  Sure, our resource requirements went WAY up, but in the end we all won.  And the proof of that was not that we finished, but when a problem was found the customer worked through it with his/her "partners" instead of complaining.

Both the service and the served have needs.  The best outcome is derived from working together to agree on what you jointly need.

When is Change Management NOT important?

I keep talking to people about various projects they are embarking on and the same message comes through loud and clear, "Change management is critical."  I hear it so often that I wonder - when is it not?

I realize there are times in which it may be less critical, but I'm starting to think that either I'm taking on some serious projects or everyone is resistant to change....how about both?

Just Another Merb Moment

So I'm at a conference, listening to the speaker in a room of 100+ people.  In spite of the size of the group all you hear is the speaker.  He makes a joke....a distinct (and loud) "HA!" escapes my mouth.  I'm the only one.

Merb.

Baby Steps

Insert cliche here.

Change is constant, but change can be managed.  The goal may be visible but you have to guide people to it at a pace they can maintain rather than pulling them after they've run out of breath.

Know Your Customer

Sure, you've heard it before, but I see time and time again people thinking, "I don't have a customer."  You ALWAYS have a customer.  Sometimes it's you.

In addition, there is confusion between knowing what the customer wants and doing the right thing.  I see this in IT all the time.  These are not mutually exclusive.  I always fall back on the analogy of a house.  You can build a structurally perfect house that looks, well, like a house and you can build a beautiful house that maybe isn't so perfect.  Guess what?  There will be a market for the first house, BUT there will be a "buzz" about the second.  More often than not, people fall in love with what they can see....what looks good on them.  So making the right choice means making the best balanced choice.  A good looking home with a sound foundation.  The result:

Short-term: People want to buy the house, people want their own homes to resemble this house, people feel good about themselves because they have that house


Long-term: The love for the home continues, it still stands, modest repairs/updates can be made the keep the owners happy for years to come

Don't build a house that no one wants to live in.

Welcome to Lasagna

I guess if I was paying attention (or possibly allowing my brain the time to actually process rational thought) I would have realized that the sign at the airport did NOT say this.  It said "Welcome to LaGuardia."

Did I get unreasonably excited about my location for just a split second?  I'm not telling.

Merb.

Be Brief, Be Bright, Be Gone

Since mantras have been my theme I guess I should share my third and last.  I cannot take credit for this one either.  There was a gentleman whom I did not work with that passed this on through my organization and I have adopted it (though only others can tell you about the quality of my execution).

If ever in doubt of how to communicate, let this be your guide.

Do Nothing, Say Nothing, Be Nothing

This is a revision of an Elbert Hubbard quote, "To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."  I've dropped the first three words to create a personal mantra.

Why have I adopted this?  Have you ever been bothered by something you didn't say?  Sure, I get upset about things I have said, but the ones that I haven't seem to linger in my guilt repository much longer.  Because of this, though, I am often the only one willing to publicly voice my thoughts and concerns - even if I am not the only one thinking them.  Yes, this has put me in difficult personal situations at times, but I would not change it.  Through this, I have influenced my life and I hold pride in that.

I put out there to everyone....Do Nothing, Say Nothing, Be Nothing.  Apply it intelligently and kindly (as required), but apply it.

A Merb if I Ever Saw One..

What does it say?

"Though she was a tiger lady, our hero didn’t have to fire a shot to floor her.  After one look at his Mr. Leggs slacks, she was ready to have him walk all over her.  That noble styling sure soothes the savage heart! If you’d like our own doll-to-doll carpeting, hunt up a pair of these he-man Mr. Leggs slacks.  Such as our new automatic wash wear blend of 65% “Dacron*” and 35% rayon – incomparably wrinkle-resistant.  About $12.95 at plush-carpeted stores."

Merb, indeed.

Who Are You?

I suffer from constant anxiety. (Oh my gosh, Michelle. That's so horrible.  How do you live?)  Yeah, yeah. But I've developed my own way of dealing with it.  And it works well...for me.

Someone once said, "Anxiety is suffering failure before it occurs." It sounds simple, but it changed my life.  It has become my mantra.  (Actually, this is a modification of Seth Godin's perspective on anxiety http://bit.ly/dpMOIR)

Here is my three step process to regaining sanity:

1) Remind yourself of what anxiety truly is (see above)
2) Identify what you are concerned about failing
3) Remind yourself of who you are

The third step is interesting.  If you're feeling down - which no one ever does, I'm sure - it could be tricky.   So I refer specifically to StrengthsFinder (http://bit.ly/h3es6x).  This book has done a great job of making clear to me where I excel.  It helps me to be logical about how circumstances may cause me anxiety, but also that I'm valuable.  I will also do a little reading about my Myers-Briggs type (http://bit.ly/uiArt).

Yes - I'm obsessed with personality / personal development tests.  I'll post more specific information on my strengths and MBTI on the About Me page.

BTW - now that I've typed this thought up I'm feeling a bit dorky.  Merb.

Theme Songs and Soundtracks

There is a constant soundtrack to my life.  I don't choose what plays, but I am forced to listen.  And often, without my conscious knowledge, forced to sing.  Many of us get songs stuck in our heads, but the inflow never stops for me.  (I just typed stop and now "Stop in the Name of Love" is playing from my mental 8-track....no HD radio here).

What is most interesting is my "go to" song.  Apparently, the Beach Boys have rented MDBK mind capital - so when there isn't a song to sing "Surfin' Safari" is king.   I'm singing it now...for all of you.

Merb.

Befuddled

How do they do it? How do people come up with interesting things to say on a regular basis? If you actually pay attention are they just repeating creative thoughts every 20 days or so? I guess I better start paying attention.

The Birth of Merb

Several years ago my husband and I developed a second language for ourselves. Something akin to pig latin...only cooler, of course. As this language of Knob (as I like to call it...starting now) developed, a single word surpassed all in utility and application. That word is MERB.

I finally watched Doctor Detroit as an adult (REALLY?)....merb.

My boss just noticed I have a tattoo....merb.

My mother-in-law cooked peas JUST FOR ME (I hate peas)....merb.

Yelling "Baby Fish Mouth!" in a meeting full of flip charts only caused blank stares...merb.

The keys I was looking for were in my hand...merb.

...and so on.

Merb is something we all experience. I intend to hurdle it.