Control vs. Influence

I encountered an online article (from some years back) written by Debbie Jenkins (nope - I don't actually know who that is) that contained the following.  It hit home and I wanted to share.

That which is beyond your immediate and complete manipulation is not, whether we like it or not, within our control. So what is within our control?

• Our Emotions and Motivation (although not all of us accept this)
• Our Response To Outside Influences (although not all of us accept this either)
• The Direction We Take In Life
• Every Action We Take
• The Way We Communicate
• What We Say and Do and Promise
• What We Choose To Believe or Ignore
• Inanimate Objects & Tools We Use

Everything else that is outside of us (especially other animals/humans) we can only influence. Here are some examples of things you can only influence...

• Whether Someone Likes You
• Whether People Will Buy
• What Other People Find Important
• Whether People Believe You
• Convincing Someone of Something
• Getting Someone to Do Something (even if you're a hypnotist)

Sure, you can exert enough influence that it seems like control. If someone held a gun to your head, they could probably influence you to do a lot of things. But despite that, they couldn't get you to think different things or feel differently about something because they still only have influence.

Finally, there are some things we have no direct control or influence over... such as the weather, space, time, where we start out in life, but there's no benefit dwelling on the things we cannot do - because it's more empowering to focus on what we can do.

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The article was about the concept of under-promise and over-deliver, something that I referred to in my last post.  Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/59584

The Right Way to Set Expectations

You have likely been on both the asking and answering end of this question:

"How long will it take?"

If you are the one answering this question, more often than not the answer is more complicated than "2 days."  In those cases be very aware of how you frame your answer.  Most people will listen to what you tell them and only
pull out the portions that they need.  For instance, you may be thinking to answer in one of the following ways:

1) "If everything is set up it could take as little as one week."
2) "One month, but if everything is set up it may require less time."

Yes, there are variations of these statements, but the point is this....the people listening for the answer to "How long will it take?" are going to hear:

1) "blah blah blah blah one week."
2) "One month, blah blah blah blah."

If those are the ONLY data points they walk away with, what do you want them to think?  That they can do it in a week or a month?  If you subscribe to the idea of under-promise and over-deliver, I think you know the answer.  Though when the timelines are too far apart you risk not being asked to do the work at all, so be realistic.

Stupidity

Everyone is stupid sometimes.  (I'll hold to the belief that no one is stupid all the time.)

Haven't you ever done something and once you were finished asked yourself, "What the hell was I thinking???"   Everyone deserves an occasional break, so give them one.  Learn from their stupidity (and help them to learn if you can) and hope that you're not next.

The Salon Experience

I got my hair done at a new salon recently and started to pay a lot of attention to the customer experience.  A good salon (of which this is one) is 100% focused on making the customer feel good.  Everyone is conditioned to tell you how fabulous or refreshed you look....regardless of their own, individual opinion.  When a gorgeous person tells you that you're gorgeous, well, it can't be bad, right?

This methodology works for that specific industry, but I see others applying it.  Sure you want your customer to feel great, but their experience lasts long after they've left your vision.  Pushing to get a sale for an item the customer may not like later will impact long term success.

Luckily, I still like my hairstyle.

Leveraging Bestsellers?

So I'm reading an inspiring management book and thinking of all the ways I can apply my new found knowledge when it dawns on me...this is a bestseller.  What does that mean?  Millions of people, just like me bought this book in order to leverage its knowledge (we'll just assume they didn't buy it just to put it on a shelf and say they read it).

Wait a minute.  Millions of people are applying this information?  Or, at least, attempting to?  How can someone stand out if the foundation they are building upon has the same stones as many other individuals?

So I don't have an answer to this one.  You could speculate that its a formula...one part written knowledge....two parts understanding....and a whole lot of drive and raw abilities.  I'll just continue reading.

Business Advice from a Toddler - Lesson #2

Tailor your message to your audience.

Make sure that what you want is clear and use a language that they understand.  Never make assumptions that the lens your audience uses filters information in the same manner as your lens....and demonstrate if necessary.

How did a toddler teach us this?  Upon telling my son to "hug the Pillsbury doughboy" he took this action:

What did we do wrong?  We assumed he understood what we meant by the word "hug" and we did not demonstrate the action.

Lesson learned.  Merb.

Openminded vs. Indecisive

It may appear as though these two things are very different, but in actuality one can be mistaken for the other.  Hearing people out and having perspective always go far, but many people often get caught up in the options.  They can see how any of the perspectives is correct in their own way and thus find it difficult to have an opinion.  Taking sides is not necessary, but having a perspective that is your own is important.

The Truth About Lies

A lie, regardless of size, has the ability to make the truth look like lies as well.  It's like putting a red sock in a white load of laundry.  It may only be one red sock, but that one mistake could turn everything pink.

So the next time you consider lying, whether it be personally or professionally, is it worth possibly having to throw away all your whites and start over?

Taking Pride in Your Work

Do people do this anymore or are they just working to work?

God Helps Those Who Help Themselves

This is not a religious post.


This simple statement is something my mother said to me frequently when I was growing up.  She wasn't implying I should take a "five finger discount" but more that if you want something you need to take the initiative to get it.  No one is going to do it for you.  It never occurred to me how much this one statement is buried within my core and has influenced my life.


It's as true now as it was then.  Remember it.

Open Up to Open Doors

If you're like me the idea of putting your ideas on the internet where they may live forever is quite frightening.  Guess what.....it's the new reality.  The next generation (and then some) are sharing their entire lives with the masses.  They are friending people they've never met, reading books without turning a page, and making purchases without ever even looking at a dollar bill.

If you want to keep up and remain viable peel back the layers of the onion and make yourself known.

Be Aware of Those Who Take

Often I forget that there are people in this world that truly cannot see what it means to be anyone but themselves.  They forget that each individual has their own priorities and motivations, their own schedules and obligations, their own challenges and joys.

As you go through life and interact with these people please remember the following:

1) Don't keep score.  This isn't a game and there are no prizes at the finish line.
2) Give in a manner that makes you feel good.  Eliminate any thoughts of "they didn't do this so I won't do that."
3) Be honest - sometimes saying something is not a catalyst for change, but it can clear the air.
4) When all else fails, focus on what is important to you and remind yourself of your blessings.

Business Advice From a Toddler - Lesson #1

Everything is up for negotiation.

If you want something and get it, ask for more.  If you want something and you are told no, ask for something different.  You can't get anything you don't ask for and there is always more to be had.  Only refrain from asking if you risk losing something you want more than the thing that you are asking for.

How Do You Know You're Serving Your Customer?

One of two very simple ways:

1) Your message/vision resonates with them (it comes from your mind and out of their mouths)
2) Their message/vision resonates with you (it comes from their minds and out of your mouth)

I want to tattoo this on some people.  If you and your customer have different visions you are NOT serving them.